I Had No Access to Fear for 48 Hours. This Is What I Learned.
What do you think your life would look like if you weren’t ever afraid of anything? I had a rare and unexpected opportunity to experience a fearless life for about 48 hours. In these 48 hours, I had no access to the emotion or energy of fear. It was gone. I couldn’t find it, and it felt as if it had never existed for me.
This experience happened at a healing retreat. In the middle of a breath and body work session, the facilitator invited me to move more deeply into a posture that hurt. I was afraid to continue, but made a decision to trust and move deeper into the pain. I felt a pop in my chest and my body began to shake vigorously. I swung back and forth between states of intense sadness and ecstatic pleasure for about two hours until I finally came to and began an unbelievable journey of fearlessness.
Here’s what I learned from my 48 hours without access to fear:
- Life Is Inherently Peaceful
In my state fearlessness, I got a call from my assistant who told me that my website was broken. As a healer, who works almost exclusively online, this was a big deal. There was no way for anybody to access any of my trainings, products, seminars, or videos. In essence, my entire business was broken.
When my assistant called to tell me this, my response was: “Beautiful. Let me know when something changes. Thank you for calling.”
In that moment, my mind was incapable of generating an image of what this meant for the future. I could only see that my website was broken and I was OK. I had no access to the imagined consequences of future which typically trigger a fearful reaction.
From this experience, I learned that fear is a result of the stories that we believe about events that happen in our life. Life isn’t inherently scary. The stories we have learned and are conditioned to believe scare us and cause fearful reactions.
In the absence of stories and judgements, a fearful reaction cannot exist.
2. Deep Connections Are Everywhere
During my experience of fearlessness, I must have looked like the strangest person ever. I remember going to lunch and sitting at a table with the most beautiful human beings I had ever seen. I couldn’t stop looking at them. They had a light and radiance about them that was mesmerizing. Even when they uncomfortably looked away from my curious gaze, I couldn’t help but to continue relishing in the beauty of their Souls.
I saw that light and radiance in everybody I met. I walked up to perfect strangers and told them how much I adored them and thanked them for being so beautifully human. Before this experience, I always kept to myself and never felt comfortable talking to people I didn’t know.
During this state of fearlessness, I felt a deep connection with all of humanity and wanted to constantly express that connection through my heart and words.
From this experience, I learned that everybody has a light and radiance about them. We can only see it if we’re willing to look at the world through the eyes of love.
3. Emotions Are Nothing More than Energy
In my fearless state, I had access to a wide range of emotions that were heightened and unimpeded in their flow through my body and mind.
I loved deeper than I had ever loved. I laughed harder than I had ever laughed. I grieved and sobbed harder than I had ever grieved.
However, there was something unique about the love, joy, and grief that I experienced in my fearless state. Usually I feel love, joy, or grief because some memory, aspiration for the future, or relationship triggered that emotion. There was a cause and effect relationship for my emotions. In my state of fearlessness, I couldn’t access the cause. There was just an effect of energy constantly moving through me. My love had no images or triggers. It just flowed. My joy wasn’t connected to something exciting, it just showed up out of nowhere. My grief wasn’t because I was sad or remembered something that hurt, it was just an imageless sadness that wasn’t attached to anything, but flowed through me without impediment.
From this experience, I learned that all emotion is energy. We don’t have to figure out why we’re experiencing that energy. Our job is to experience it fully and without impediment. Figuring out the why is often a distraction from fully feeling the energy that has chosen us as its channel to be manifested into this Universe.
After the 48 hours of fearlessness came to an end, someone asked me if I was going to try and get back to that altered state of consciousness. I explained to them that there was nothing to get back to. I had integrated the experience and now interact with fear differently.
Fear is a transient energy that comes and goes. When I choose to harness its power and experience it fully like I did during my breath and body work session, it flows and goes back into the Universe from whence it came. When it flows, it leaves a space to experience the energy of other emotions more fully. However, if I choose to ignore my fear and impede its flow, it will linger and color everything I do until I’m ready to fully allow it to flow through me and back into the Universe.